Also in today’s inbox is this marvel of bureaucratic alphabet soup.  It used to be that, once you got a job, you either showed up for work or you were fired.  ”Having a job” meant that you showed up for work every day and, therefore, got paid.  They have stuff that has to get done, and having warm bodies at work is how they get it done.  No warm bodies….not much gets done, huh?

But, noooooo!  Now, with the FMLA, ADA, OW something else PA, ADAAA, and CYA, “getting a job” does not mean you actually have to show up for it.  Here’s how you play it.

 

 

 

First, get the job.  It’s easy; just clean up a little bit and they can’t ask you crap anymore.* (See footnote below).  Act all nice for a few weeks until they are off guard.  Then, tell your boss one afternoon that you have to leave because ___________________.  (Fill in the blank with pregnant, anxious, stressed out, having low back pain, wrist pain, shoulder pain, difficulty breathing, or something.)  Go to your doctor and say the same thing.  If your doctor scoffs at you and refuses to prescribe narcotics, go to another doctor until you find one who will prescribe you drugs of some kind.  Narcotics, preferably, which you could sell to your no good brother in law.  Others, you might sell to addicts who consider them to be “enhancers.”  Ultimately, you are striving to stay away so long that your employer fires you.  Now, you have your lawsuit cooked up.  Bluntly speaking: it helps if you fit into at least one “protected class.”  Hint, hint: young, healthy white males are in the protected class of “not.”  Just sayin’.  Reality.  Soon, it will be young, healthy, white, heterosexual males are in no protected class.

So, there is an entire cottage industry (more of those liberally created jobs) of seminars trying to educate you about all of the layers of law you must deal with.  Oh, and these help you meet the mandatory continuing education requirements.  Typical example:

Detangling the FMLA from the ADA For most human resource professionals the most difficult aspect of their job is coordinating employee leave laws. This informative program will enable you to prepare for the common problems that arise when preparing FMLA and ADA policies or administering claims. Don’t leave yourself liable to costly employment litigation; legally implement and maintain your policies. Register today!  AGENDA

Session Time: 11:00 AM – 12:30 PM Eastern Presenters: _________________________ ADA and FMLA – What do the Laws Really Say? Updating ADA Policies for the ADAAA How do the Two Interact with Each Other and State Laws? Tips for Drafting Policies to Work Together Troubleshooting Complex Leave of Absence Issues Drafting Policies for Medical Leave Knowing When and How to Settle Federal and State Claims

It’s unreal.  Just look at the outline for trying to manage employee leave liability.  That’s just the short outline.  There are treatises about this stuff and many other laws that govern such presumably simple decisions.

So, my leftward friends, do not wonder where all the jobs are going.  Seriously!  Who would want to employ people here?

*Footnote.  Some of you will say, “Yes they can ask!  The ADA permits employers to ask many questions after first making a conditional offer of employment, blah, blah, …essential functions…blah, blah….reasonable accommodations, blah, blah….  Do you hear yourself?  If the employer’s HR rep has to wade through all of the buzzwords, statutes, regulations, case law, and company guidelines, to learn what he can supposedly ask (You never know until the jury foreman stands up and announces the verdict.) it just supports my whole contention that your liberal system is completely out of control.  Or, maybe, completely in control.  I’m confused; I don’t know which!  I just know that “jobs” have lots of good reasons for leaving.  That’s the solution, I guess.  No jobs, no discrimination!