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The .gov As Idiocracy’s Tactical Trainer

01/31/2013 @ 1:40pm

Your office co-worker is standing there with the demonic killer’s blood spurted all over his white shirt and favorite tie.  Pieces of bad-guy flesh are stuck to the blades he used to kill the would-be murderer.  The floor is slippery from spilled quarts of bad-guy blood.  The rest of the office emerges from hiding.

Your co-worker grabbed the scissors from his desk drawer to stop the disgruntled ex-employee who didn’t like his performance evaluation.  Your co-worker saved the entire office from being slaughtered while cowering in the coffee room.  Your co-worker’s sudden evolution from passive victim to violent savior was prompted by his watching this Homeland Security training video!



The same people who bring you mass mis-education, and who have mismanaged our finances to the tune of $16 trillion are now presuming to be your self-defense trainer.  According to Homeland Security, you are to hide under your desk from a workplace shooter.  Or, you can attack him with scissors.


There is, however, much that is positive in this video: the government advocates that the serf-citizen fight back.  This is a major change.

Note, also, that to fight back—with scissors nonetheless—the citizen must use violence.  The government is advising you to be violent in your self-defense.  This is encouraging because the public is constantly propagandized to believe that “violence” is evil.  “We have a problem with gun violence,” for example.  No, we don’t.  We have a problem when evil people are armed, and the intended victim is disarmed and passive.  Violence in your own self-defense is a good thing.  I encourage you to be violent in my defense!  The police deploy violence when they shoot criminals.  I always figured that meeting your would-be murderer with immediate, furious, intentional violence was the best defense.

The necessity to be violent in your defense is tragic.  I wish it were otherwise.  It is the intent to murder behind the violence that makes the act evil.  Being violent in your own self-defense, and in defense of your loved ones, is desirable, even heroic.  We should pin medals on people who shoot home-invasion robbers.  

Oh, you are reminded in the video to drop the scissors once the government arrives.  Don’t get carried away with this “You have the right to be violent” thing.  In confrontations with the government, you are to immediately revert to your passive mode.  Of course, it’s not bad advice: after pouncing on the bad guy and slashing his face to ribbons with your scissors, you look more gory than Bruce Willis in “Die Hard” and Mel Gibson in “The Patriot” after chopping up that redcoat patrol.  The arriving SWAT team might mistake you for the demented homicidal maniac.  That cute girl your co-worker wants to date?  After using those scissors to cut the bad guy’s heart out, she will look like she is crawling out of a television set a la “The Grudge.”

The Grudge

Nowhere in the video does this slightly hopeful government propaganda even acknowledge the right to keep and bear arms.  Rule 1: Bring a gun to a gun fight.

  • John Dupree

    Scissors!  Good Grief!